7 in the Bath...

Date: December 26th 2004
Location: Matlock Bath.
Members: Alan Argyle, Matt & Kelly Bailey, Pete Billyeald, Joe & Rob Eccleston, Chris Gait.

05.30 Boxing Day morning. Alarm going off and me going off the idea. Which fool thought this one up? By 6.15 I'm standing outside waiting to be picked up. Bit frosty. Alan picks me up and up to Robs. Rob and Joe waiting in a nicely warmed up van . Only one seat free so we give it to the Elder Statesman of the club. Now over to pick up the trailer we have got on loan (thanks Nev - another fool up early). Now to pick up the raft (Bismark), so over to the Park. Load up and meet up with the rest of the crew: Matt, Kelly and Chris (more Barmpots).
Now off to Matlock using the hi-tech nav system supplied by Matt. Buggered if I know how it works - I usually use a map. First stop M1 services for comfort stop. All closed and only the Elder Statesman gets comfortable. Never mind, carry on and use the loos when we get there. Ha ha.
Arrive at Matlock and guide Matt in by phone. I guess Sat Nav doesn't have raft launch points plotted. Next stop fill in all sorts of nonsensical paperwork: I think it was called a Disclaimer, and a Risk Assessment. You mean there is a risk to this? Now the first painful bit. We have to pay to throw ourselves in the river and have eggs and flour thrown at us. A tenner each. Well worth it.
By this time everyone is ready to eat, drink and be cold. So offload rafts and put a vehicle and trailer at the landing point to do the pick up and a vehicle at launch point. This will save time at the end of the race. Do you think so?
Everyone by now has found a corner or a hedge for their comfort stop. Or have they? Everyone kitted up and time to launch. Both rafts gently lowered down the banking 1 in 2 and then into the river.
Yours truly decides to be a gentleman and get onto the Bismark to hold it in the water for the elderly statesman and the young lady. Bad idea as I miss and land half astride the raft and half underwater. Anyway both rafts loaded and underway. Rob now wants to know where his balloons are - still on the bank which leaves us with no ammunition. Still this won't matter as just before launch we are told by members of the constabulary that throwing eggs and flour is now banned and also anything else which could cause injury (bloody risk assessments).
We're now moving steadily downstream, under fire from water cannons, buckets and whatever anyone has to hand. Why is it that Alan throws something and when someone retaliates I get clobbered? At one stage we meet up with a raft full of Elvises. Alan sees a line attached to their raft and pulls. Bad idea - guess who gets the bucket of water?
We have a nice steady ride down the river for a while noticing by the way that the other Ashby raft is almost submerged at the rear. Now who ate all the pies?
We are now coming under fire from spectators as well. So much for risk assessment. Half way down and the Viking Longboat is across half of the river with another raft mounting it. Guess who tries to go over the top of both? Oh well time to get off and walk then. Pity we can't make up our minds which way to go. Moving again. Under fire from Santas, Elves and Noddy. Must make some water cannons for next year. Joe and Rob have now abandoned raft and are trying for log rolling championships. No, Chris it wasn't one of mine.
Now we get to the bridge for jumping off. Joe Rob and Alan go so not to be outdone, so do I. Up onto bridge. Alan goes first then I get over. I didn't realise a bridge could grow. What looked like 20 feet when we were on the river feels like 50 feet now. Oh well here goes. Let go and fall forever. Bloody hell, it's deep and so is the mud on the bottom. Swim to the side and wait for Alan and Kelly to pick me up. Rob and Joe go back for a second go. Mad sods. (Didn't see this in the risk assessment). Now we carry on down the river running the gauntlet on the way down until we get to the weir. We all hold back watching the technique for going over the weir. Got it. What you have to do is put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye and go for it! Kelly, Alan and yours truly go first straight over and into semi-calm water.
Now for Rob, Joe, Chris and Matt. Over they come and Chris decides to disembark, comes down the weir on his head and side and decides he is seriously injured (bruises).
Chris gets pulled back into the raft and we have a gentle paddle down to the landing point at Cromford. Still under fire from spectators and rafts alike (I really must read those rules again). Landing point again a steep bank. Thanks for the leg up lads. And out onto the meadows right behind our transport. Only problem - the keys are in Matt's truck at the launch point probably 5 miles away. (Remember the saving time idea?) Matt luckily finds his Dad and gets a lift back up. We load up, strap up and return home. Was that Yorkshire pudding mix in Chef's hair?
Did we enjoy the day? A big YES. Thanks to everyone who attended. The one seat free this time is already booked for next year, so you'll need another raft if any more are interested.

Account by Pete Billyeald